June 11, 2017

Published June 11, 2017 by with 0 comment

Book Review - Duke Sucks: A Completely Evenhanded, Unbiased Investigation Into the Most Evil Team on Planet Earth

https://flic.kr/p/9izQsu

“The best thing about hating Duke University is that you never have to explain yourself.” - Ian Williams

March 31, 1986.

That was the date the last time I ever cheered for the Duke University Men’s Basketball team to win a basketball game. They played against the Louisville Cardinals in the NCAA championship game that day and ended up losing, but I was cheering for them all the way. Pervis “Never Nervous” Ellison ended up having the game of a lifetime for Louisville, and I was actually bummed that Duke lost.

I’m not sure what happened since that day, but there are only two other sports programs that I hate as much as Duke now…the Los Angeles Lakers and the New York Yankees. I once told my sister that I hate Duke so much that it makes me physically ill to watch them play on television. My heart rate increases and my stomach starts to feel nauseous as I hear the announcers gush over how good they are and as the refs give them every call during the game.

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what it is about them that drives me crazy because virtually everything about them drives me crazy. Their fans come across as overly-entitled. The players always seem to get the benefit of the referees’ whistles. Coach K is simply obnoxious. And the television networks seem to think everyone wants to watch 95% of their games on national television.

No matter what the reason is, it simply comes down to the fact that I hate Duke.

A few years ago, my sister sent me a package not long after March Madness was over. I opened it and pulled out a copy of Duke Sucks. I remember calling her and telling her that I loved the book…and this was before I’d even read a page of it.

Once I finally got around to reading it, I couldn’t stop. It was as if the authors of the book had been in my head at some point. They pulled out every reason a person could possibly hate the Duke basketball team, and tried to back it up with as much evidence as they could. Reading it was like a dream come true.

Some of the arguments put forth for disliking the team range from Wojo’s annoying floor slap to the Blue Devils’ notoriously easy non-conference schedule. Sprinkled in are some funny stories that only a true Duke hater (or UNC fan) could appreciate. One of my personal favorite chapters was titled “Charge #17: Duke Gets More Calls Than a Mumbai Customer Service Center”.

Ultimately, I finished the book in less than a day. I found myself nodding in agreement through the majority of it. There were a few spots that were a little cheesy, but it was still fun to see how much research was put into it. And when I used to struggle to put into words why I hated the team so much, now all I have to do is hold up a copy of Duke Sucks and it does all the work for me.
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